


Echoes of the Empire

by sunkelles



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Jedi Training, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Minor/Implied Finn/Poe, Reincarnation, Rey is Anakin Skywalker, but there's a minor love triangle going on here, haven't decided what's endgame, that's it that's the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-07-15 23:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7242370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkelles/pseuds/sunkelles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While training with Luke, Rey is plagued by dreams of a life that she never led. Until she finds out that she kind of did. </p><p>the empire strikes back in a blender, basically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> this story follows the "what if rey is anakin skywalker reincarnated" fan theory that i've seen circulating. in a lot of ways, it's the empire strikes back inverted. 
> 
> the plot takes a while to really get rolling, but if you're interested in the concept i think that you'll like it. without further adieu, here is the fic i've been tossing around in my mind but never gotten around to writing: the rey is anakin fic.

Meditation bores Rey. She thinks that the countless hours that she spent scavenging on Jakku should have given her more patience for it, but somehow, Rey is still incredibly bored by meditation. She can barely stand it. She longs for the days when Master Skywalker has her run, or climb the cliff faces. At least that feels like she’s doing something. He says that meditation draws her closer to the Force, so that she can feel it flowing around her. He says that it’s essential to progressing in her training because of this.

Rey can’t feel the Force any better when she’s meditating while doing a handstand than she can when she’s climbing a mountain, but she doesn’t mention this to him. Master Skywalker learned how to be a Jedi from a cryptic old man, and an ancient green man who was shorter than Rey’s knee. She’s not sure that she wants to try to tell him how to teach her. Rey doesn’t know anything about being a Jedi on her own.

 

Her arms are starting to ache, and Rey can feel herself starting to fall down. She feels herself trying to hard to focus, and fights the impulse. Master Skywalker says that forcing yourself to meditate will make it that much harder. You just have to try not to think, and take relaxing deep breaths. And then you slowly let the Force flow through you. It’s harder than it sounds, but Rey manages to keep herself from falling. She inhales and exhales, again and again, and tries to free herself of thoughts. Just like falling asleep, she thinks. She tries to stop thinking, and focus solely on her breathing and the feeling of the wind against her skin.

 

She finally feels herself floating away. The Force flows through her, and along with it comes visions.  Her visions are vague, indescribable things. They shift instantaneously from one image and mood to another, and suddenly she feels as if she’s burning, as though all of her skin has caught flame at the same time. Rey gasps as she regains consciousness, and she falls flat onto the ground. It hurts, but nowhere near as much as the pain in the memory.

“Are you alright?” Master Skywalker asks, sounding concerned.

“Yes,” Rey says, hurriedly, “I just lost my focus.” She doesn’t know what that was, but she doesn’t think that she wants to talk about it with Master Luke. Rey pushes herself back up to her feet.

“That’s probably enough meditation for one day,” he tells her. “Get your saber.” Rey’s face lights up into a smile, instantly, like the way a lightsaber springs from its hilt. Sparring is Rey’s favorite part of training: Luke fights with his lightsaber, Rey fights with the lightsaber that has belonged to both Luke and his father. Rey, for her part, had tried to return the Skywalker lightsaber to him. Luke just wouldn’t take it. He said that since she found it, she should be the one to keep it.

Luke normally slashes high and fast. Rey’s style is more varied, defending while trying to slash high, low, and in between. Luke always predicts her next move, but Rey predicts his as well. It’s like a well-choreographed dance. The steps might be improvised, but they are each matched perfectly by the other person. When Rey backs up, Luke steps forward, his green blade meeting her blue one.

Rey thinks that fighting with a lightsaber should feel foreign. She has been fighting with a staff for years, and the styles of combat are vastly different. But lightsaber combat feels natural to her, familiar, like she’s fought with a lightsaber even longer than she’s fought with a staff. Her strange ease with a saber does not always mean that she will win a fight though. This is one of those times that she doesn’t win, and ends up getting knocked flat on her back. Luke withdraws his lightsaber, and holds out his hand to help her up.

“We’ll continue this tomorrow,” he tells her. Rey nods her head at him, and doesn’t complain about being released early. Her entire body is sore, and she’s in dire need of a nap. She makes her way back to the Falcon. She eats a full portion and a half (which feels like splurging after the life she lived on Jakku) and collapses onto her cot. She drifts off to sleep quickly, and her dreams drift as well. It feels as though they are shifting instantaneously, bombarding her with images and feelings, words she half recalls hearing before.

A beautiful woman with warm brown eyes in a sunny yellow dress smiles at her. She laughs, and her smile shines like the sun. All of Rey’s own emotions are warm, from a warm, cozy affection to a burning passion. A million images flash before you as she dreams: an arena, a field of vibrant green grass and a deep blue waterfall, and the woman in a wedding dress, sealing her lips with a kiss. The images shift to a planet that seems to be made of liquid fire. She’s flooded by emotions: anger, confusion, betrayal, as you the woman yet again. She has been betrayed by the woman with the beautiful smile, the woman she loves. Rey feels anger course through her veins as she chokes the life out of her, and Rey awakens in a cold sweat.

 

Rey awakens in a cold sweat, confused and a bit frightened by the dreams that she doesn’t understand. Rey’s never felt as angry as she did in the dream, never felt as thoroughly betrayed. But she’s also never felt nearly as passionate or loved either. The only times that she has even come close were with Finn. Rey pushes the thoughts away, and tries to will herself back to sleep. Perhaps if she slips into a dreamless sleep she can forget the ones that are plaguing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a warning, because i'm a big fan of the clone wars and star wars rebels, some of the dream sequences will involve events from both of those shows focusing on anakin's relationships with ahsoka, padme, and obi wan. if you're unfamiliar with these shows, i think that you will be alright and still understand it, as long as you don't mind reading spoilers. 
> 
> the only actual spoilers for either show involve ahsoka's story arc. (ahsoka's relationship with anakin is one of my favorites in all of star wars)


	2. Telling Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Luke train and talk, and Rey dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not going to promise a consistent updating schedule with this one, but i get three chapters written before i post one and i'm like 99% sure i'm going to finish this fic. 
> 
> minor spoilers for tcw and swr start in this chapter.

No matter how hard Rey tries, she can’t get the images from her dream out of her head. She can still feel everything vividly, to the point where she can barely distinguish between her own feelings and those from the dream. No matter how hard Rey tries to meditate, it just doesn’t work. She can’t lose herself when she’s too busy worrying, and after two and a half hours Luke realizes that they aren’t getting anywhere.

“Open your eyes, Rey,” he says. The fact that Rey’s eyes shoot open immediately proves that she wasn’t going to get anything out of meditation. Even looking at the rocky cliffs that she’s seen for weeks now is more effective than trying to meditate.

“Let’s try something different,” he suggests. Something different turns out to be hiking to the other side of the island, scaling cliff faces, and running along the beach. It’s exhilarating, and it takes her mind off of the dreams for a while, which Rey appreciates. What Rey does not appreciate, however, is how her shoes are now full of wet, clumpy sand that seems to have burrowed its way into her socks. Rey thinks that she might hate wet sand even more than she hates dry sand. That’s really saying something, because she hates dry sand a lot. By the end of the run, Rey’s legs ache and her lungs feel like they’re about to burst.

“That’s enough for today,” Luke says, already sounding tired though the sun has only started to set.

Rey turns her back to Luke, ready to walk back to her ship. Then, she turns back to face him.

"Would you like to come back to the Falcon with me?” she offers. Luke has been exile for years, and Rey realizes that he must be feeling even lonelier than she is. He looks shocked by the suggestion, but not in a bad way. He looks pleasantly surprised.

“I’d like that,” he says, and Rey is suddenly very glad that she asked. They make the trek back to the Falcon. Rey starts fixing up a portion for each of them, but Luke has stopped in the doorway. He seems to be drinking in the interior of the Falcon, trying to take it all in instantaneously, as though he blinks it might evaporate.

"It feels weird,” he says, “being back on the Falcon.” Rey nods her head. She understands on a surface level how odd it must be to be back somewhere after an extended absence, but she doesn’t understand on a deeper level. Her whole life was spent on Jakku before she found herself at the center of a war, and she has not seen her mother once since the woman left her on Jakku and promised to come back. She knows now, deep within her heart, that she never had any intention of returning.

Rey sets the portions down on the table once she’s finished fixing them. She devours her own before she can even sit down. Rey grabs her garbage can and sets it down beside the booth. Then she plops down on the bench and nearly sighs in relief. Her muscles ache.

She takes off her shoes and dumps the sandy contents of her shoes into the garbage. She considers just dumping the sandy, soggy shoes in there as well, but decides not to. She only owns two pairs.

“I hate sand,” Rey groans. Having grown up on Jakku, she’s much too familiar with the rocky hellflakes. It’s coarse and rough, and when she’s flying it digs into her face.

“I understand the feeling,” Luke says with an awkward little chuckle. Rey sends him a confused look.

“I’m from Tattoine,” he says, “I know the feeling of seeing nothing but sand for miles and miles.” Rey realizes, suddenly, that even with the legends, even though she’s studied under Luke for nearly a month, she doesn’t know a thing about him. It’s an unsettling feeling.

“I’m from Jakku,” she says. He grins a little at that, and it feels like an inside joke somehow. Two lonely Jedi from desert planets, just starting to get to know each other.

“How did you get the Falcon?” Luke asks. Rey grins at that.

“It’s an interesting story,” she says, and then she weaves her tale of adventure, friendship, and lightsaber duels. It’s the only part of her life that’s really worth mentioning. Everything before she saved BB-8 is a sandy blur; none of it matters in the grand scheme of things.

“That reminds me of when I first left Tattooine,” Luke says with a wistful smile on his face, “when Han and I went to save Leia on the Death Star. It sounds like you did all the saving, though.”

 “I really didn’t,” Rey says, feeling it in every fiber of her being, “Finn saved me too. He came back for me.”

She warmly at that, and then continues, “Then he tried to fight Ren to protect me. Ren nearly killed him.” Luke’s smile fades away the moment that she mentions Ren, so she changes the subject.

“And then there’s Poe,” Rey says, “I like him a lot, but he’s more Finn’s friend.” Luke raises his eyebrow which Rey assumes means something. She just doesn’t know what.

“What are you doing?” Rey asks.

“Oh,” Luke says, looking a little bit embarrassed, “I just wanted you to tell me more about that.” Apparently an eyebrow raise means “tell me more”. Rey adds that to her list of human communication quirks she didn’t know about before.

“He took me out flying once,” she says, “we’d been sitting by Finn’s bedside for days, and decided that it was time that we did something.”

“It sounds like he’s your friend to me,” Luke says. Rey shrugs noncommittally. Luke might be right. She doesn’t have enough experience with people to be able to tell. She decides to change the subject, because that’s one she definitely doesn’t want to breach.

“What about your friends?” Rey asks. He doesn’t look like he wants to.  He’s offered tidbits of information here and there, but Luke knows far more about her than she knows about him.

“I told you about mine,” she says, “it’s only fair.” Luke sighs, but he seems to agree. He leans back in the chair, and crosses his arms behind his head.

“Han and Leia were always my best friends,” Luke says.

“Han offered me a job,” Rey tells him, feeling a little bit proud of herself. It pains her to remember Han, and how close she almost was to having a father figure.

“He must have really liked you,” Luke says as an actual smile crosses his face, “He didn’t offer me a job until _after_ we blew up the space station.” Luke tells her all about how he met Han, how they rescued Leia (and Leia rescued them) and blew up the Death Star. She sort of expects him to stop there, but he goes on to tell her a bit of his own Jedi training, how he saved Han and Leia on Bespin and found out that Darth Vader was his father, and then how his father saved him from the Emperor.

“I don’t think that Kylo remembered that part,” Rey says. She realizes the moment that it leaves her mouth that it’s a stupid, thoughtless thing to say to Luke. He’s Vader’s son and Kylo’s uncle for kriff’s sake.

“There was good in him,” Luke insists, “until the very end. Ben has him all _twisted_.” The figure Luke spoke of, who wanted him to rule the galaxy with him and finally killed the emperor does not seem like the same being that she saw in Kylo Ren’s mind.

“My father was a good man,” Luke insists. Rey doesn’t know if she agrees, but she certainly isn’t going to disagree with him when he sounds so _passionate_. This is the most emotion that she’s gotten out of Luke Skywalker since she met him. He takes, and slides back even further on his hands, breaking eye contact. He looks up at the ceiling.

“I failed them, Rey,” he says, “all of them. Han, Leia, Ben… both Bens actually.” He chuckles a little bit after that, and it’s a bitter, broken sound.

“I even failed my father,” he says, and he’s still looking at the ceiling.

“It’s not your fault,” Rey says. Rey’s not a master of human interaction. She’s far from it, but she’s had enough to realize that this statement sounds empty. _Everyone always_ says that it’s not someone’s fault, even if it is, and even if they blame them. They just want the person to stop feeling bad. Rey doesn’t think that this is Luke’s fault though, and she doesn’t think that he should blame himself. Luke doesn’t respond, and Rey can tell that it’s because he’s too busy wallowing in self-hatred and blaming himself.

“I saw inside Kylo Ren’s mind,” Rey says, “and it wasn’t your fault that he fell.” Ben Organa bought into Snoke’s flattery and promises. His parents weren’t around as much as he would have liked. Sometimes they fought, and the results were hot and fiery. And when he went off to train with his uncle, Luke would not teach him everything that he wanted to learn as fast as he wanted to learn it. But Ben Organa turned for the promise of power and continuing a legacy that likely never existed, and Rey thinks that had little to do with Luke and everything to do with Kylo.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she repeats. It’s a weird impulse, but she wants to protect this man from the emotions swirling inside of him. She barely knows him, but she feels like he’s someone worth caring about. He’s the sort of man that decided to try to save Darth Vader rather than kill him. That takes some serious compassion, whether or not the man is your father.

He takes his eyes off of the ceiling, and actually looks her in the eye for the first time since they started this conversation. It’s intense, and Rey thinks that she might have preferred it when he was staring at the ceiling.

 “Goodnight, Rey,” Luke tells her, his voice cracking slightly.  He gets slides out of the booth, and leaves the Falcon as quickly as he can. He does not look back.  It just makes her wonder if one day, Rey might wake up and Luke will have left her too, just like her mother.

 

She lies down in bed afterwards, still unaccustomed to a mattress and sheets. She feels as if she’s melting into a cloud whenever she gets into bed, and it makes her feel a little less like she wants to cry. It makes her feel a little less like she’s gone and mucked up everything, and that Luke will have disappeared by the time she wakes up in the morning.

Rey’s dreams are a swirling sea of emotions that night. They never stay on one scene long enough for her to get used to it. For a moment, she is with a togruta girl and a human male with a reddish beard and an exasperated smile. They’re both laughing, and she feels like laughing too. She can feel the friendship between the three of them.

The scene shifts abruptly, and she sees the togruta once again. She looks younger this time, only a child, really, and her heart aches. She knows that children should not be fighting wars, and somehow, she knows that this girl will spend her whole childhood doing it. Her whole life, really.

 “You’re stuck with me, skyguy,” the togruta says with a smirk, and the dream cuts away to the bearded man. He’s in a large room, a hall, really, with an old human man bound to a chair and another halfway across the room, red lightsaber in hand.

“Sith lords are our specialty,” the bearded man, her friend, says with a hint of a smile on his lips. The scene changes quickly, to the brown eyed girl that she loves so much.

“I truly, deeply love you,” she says, and Rey can feel the cuffs around her hands even as the scene changes. She sees the togruta girl, looking terrified and cornered and so determined to escape.

“I would never let anyone hurt you, Ahsoka,” Rey promises, “ _never_ -“ The scene changes. Suddenly, the girl’s pressing beads into Rey’s hand, and Rey feels like she’s been torn apart, but she doesn’t know why. Rey doesn’t want her to leave.

A familiar planet made of liquid flames appears at the forefront of her mind. Red light reflects off her lover’s face, and she looks like she’s dying. Rey can feel her hands around her throat, rage in her heart, and then the scene shifts. She feel her lightsaber colliding with her bearded friend’s. She does not think he is her friend any longer. She feels nothing but burning hatred for him as she swings her saber again. The scene shifts, and he falls into the lava. She feel it searing her skin as the he talks. She wants to scream, to make him shut up, but he won’t, even as she can feel her skin burning off of her body.

"You were my brother,” says the man with a bearded face and heart-broken eyes, “I loved you.” Her heart aches along with her body, and then her entire being is set aflame. Rey awakens with a scream.


	3. Apprentices and Masters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> training and dreams

She eventually does get back to sleep. She sleeps dreamlessly until she wakes up again later at a more reasonable time. She gets ready quickly, and grabs Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber on her way out the door. She lets the gate down and walks off the ship, and then quickly puts the gate back up, ready to make the trek to meet her master. Then she sees Luke. He’s leaning against one of the wheels, and looks incredibly relieved to see her.

“Master?” she asks, sounding far more surprised and excited than she’d like.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he says earnestly.

“What?” Rey asks. She doesn’t think that Luke has anything to apologize for.

“I shouldn’t have just left like that,” he says, “it wasn’t your fault.” And isn’t that weird to hear, after she’d been the one saying it over and over again last night?

“It’s alright,” Rey says. She isn’t sure whether or not it is alright, but she knows that’s what people say when they want to stop talking about something. She _really_ doesn’t want to keep talking about this. Luke nods absently and Rey can tell that he knows she just doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.

"Have you ever had really vivid dreams?” she asks cautiously.

“What do you mean?” he asks, sounding concerned.

“Dreams that felt like you were really there,” she says.

“Once,” he says, “it was a vision of Han and Leia being captured by the Empire.”

“Then what happened?” Rey asks.

“Han and Leia were captured by the Empire,” he says simply, “I had to go save them.” Rey remembers that part of the story now.  They were captured by Darth Vader on Bespin.

“Your dream came true?” Rey asks. She can feel the fear creeping into her voice. She thought that vivid dreams might just be a Jedi thing, but if some of them end up coming true, Rey doesn’t want to think about what that might mean. Few of the things she saw were good.

“Yes,” he says, “Rey, did you have a dream about your friends?”

“No,” she promises, “it was just weird.” She doesn’t know if weird really covers it, but Rey isn’t sure that she wants to discuss it with Master Skywalker: passionate and murderous aren’t words that are associated with good Jedi.

“Are you worried?” he asks.

“No,” she lies, “It was just… weird. It didn’t make sense, but it wasn’t anything like that.” Her dreams weren’t anything like Luke’s dream was, but Rey’s not sure that it’s not worth worrying about. Master Skywalker doesn’t seem to believe her, but doesn’t press the issue either. Rey appreciates that.

“Let’s try something different today,” Luke says, grinning at the Falcon as if they have some inside joke.

“Master?” Rey asks. Luke grins wider, but doesn’t say anything. He holds out his hand and closes his eyes.

“Master?” Rey asks, “is something supposed to happen?” Luke doesn’t respond. He doesn’t even seem to notice that she has spoken. A moment later, the Falcon is lifted off the ground. Rey panics for a moment, worrying that someone has stolen her ship. Then she realizes that Luke is the one lifting the ship. That’s pretty awesome.

“Focus on the Force,” Luke says, “feel it flowing through you.” Rey holds out her hand, and tries to feel the force flowing through her. She tries to get to the mental place that she finds when she meditates, but it’s difficult. She’s not good at meditating to begin with. The only time she has been able to easily access the Force, both she and Finn’s lives were at stake.

“It’s not working,” she grumbles.

“It’s alright if you don’t get it right away,” Luke tells her, “just stay calm. Try not to get frustrated.” Rey taught herself how ships work from the scrapped remains of them. She built her own speeder bike with no help. She can learn how to do this. She focuses, and she focuses, and she focuses but nothing happens. She tries not to get frustrated. She tries not to get too angry or distracted, but it’s difficult. She can’t fight against the Force the way she did bullies on Jakku. She can’t make it bend to her will. She has to sit and wait, and be patient and find her rhythm with it, and that’s more difficult than any fight could be.

She forces herself to focus, and focuses some more. After what seems like hours to her, something within her finally clicks. She can feel the Force around the ship, and gently lifts the Falcon up. Now that she’s felt it, it feels as though she’s done it a million times before. Luke looks over to her in shock.

“I finally did it,” she says, shocked that she was able to move the damn thing at all.

“Rey,” he says, “it took me _days_ to learn that. You did it in under an hour.” Rey loses her concentration and the ship starts to fall. Luke catches it a moment before it hits the ground, then lets it down gently.

“You did well,” he says, and Rey can feel a proud smile spreading across her face. Her master only praises her like that when he thinks she truly deserves it. Then, the exhaustion hits, physical, and emotional. She feels like she’s going to drop dead from lack of sleep and muscle use.

“Master,” she says and she feels pathetic for saying it, “I feel tired.”

“Oh,” Luke says with a guilty look on his face, “I forgot about how tiring it is to use so much of the Force like that. You aren’t used to it yet.”

“And?” Rey asks, not understanding where her master is going with this.

“This is normal,” he says, “but it will get better. You’ll get stronger and you won’t feel this tired every time that you do it.”

“Alright,” Rey says, yawning halfway through, “this is fine.” Her master grins.

“What else are we going to do today?” she asks, hearing her own irritation about being awake.

“You're going to bed, Rey,” he says, “you deserve the rest.”  

"Alright," she says. She doesn't have to be told twice, and she leaves immediately. Once she's back on the Falcon, she fixes herself up a portion, and scarfs it down as quickly as she can. Then she lies down in her bed, and is asleep before she even has time to think about it. Then, the dreams happen. It seems as though the dreams _always_ happen.

She is standing in a desert, surrounded by sand. The scene is deathly familiar for more reasons than one. Her own mother leaving her stranded on the planet, promising to come back for her. The scene shifts ever so slightly, so much so that she doesn’t even notice. Suddenly, there are actual buildings and two suns beaming down from the sky. She sees another woman (her mother?) being left behind as she leaves with a young Jedi, her friend, and his master. Two different childhoods rattle around in her head, and it feels like she might explode until the scene changes.

She is on a space ship, a star destroyer by the looks of it, and an old man in a long cloak swings a blue lightsaber.  She knows, instinctively, that this old man is the same as the bearded one. He’s the one from earlier on, who let her burn alive. She hates him more than she’s ever hated anyone else. She wants to watch him die slowly, the way that he did with her. She is the master now, and she will make him pay for what he did to her. 

“Your powers are weak, old man,” Rey says, her voice low and metallic. It’s different than the one from her other dreams.

“You can't win, Darth,” he says, and Rey feels confusion shoot through her. _Darth?_

“If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine,” he continues, and she almost rolls her eyes. He has always been pretentious.  Their blades collide, and soon enough, Rey stabs him through the chest and her former friend evaporates before her eyes. She stomps on his robe to make sure that he’s dead.

The scene changes to a barren planet with a low, red lighting. The togruta girl- _Ahsoka_ is there before her, all grown up. She feels as though it’s been a life time since she’s seen her. Rey remembers loving her, but she also remembers Ahsoka leaving her. She’s so tired of people abandoning her.

“I won’t leave you,” Ahsoka says, “not this time.” And Rey hates her for leaving, hates her for making her feel things again after years of uncaring, icy emotional silence. Rey hates her for making her do this.

“Then you will die,” Rey says, voice filled with finality. The scene evaporates. Suddenly, she is standing before a great crevice. A young man is hanging off an edge, looking at her in rage and terror.

“Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father,” she says, and suddenly she knows that _Obi Wan_ is the bearded man, the friend who left her to burn. She knows that he withheld the truth from this boy- her son, and she hates him even more for it. She hates him for trying to turn her son against her.

“He told me enough,” the boy hisses, “he told me you killed him.”

“No,” she says, “I am your father.” And the boy denies it, screaming and protesting. She tells him how they could rule together, and she desperately wants it. She wants to rule with him, to _be_ with him, and there’s no way her son can leave and survive. He has no other options.  Her son does not see it that way, and tumbles off a cliff to avoid joining her.

The scene shifts, and suddenly, she is standing in a room full of children- _younglings,_ her mind supplies. They seem terrified, but their looks brighten up when they see her. They expect her to save them, but Rey feels nothing for them, and knows what her mission is. She draws her lightsaber with its familiar hilt and bright blue blade. They look to her in confusion, and she cuts them down like wheat.

She jolts awake a moment later, and clenches the sheets like a lifeline. She’s in her bed on the Falcon, not in a temple or a star destroyer or any of the other places she dreamt. But they all felt so terribly _real,_ and she can’t shake the feeling that they might be.

 

Rey curls back up into her bed, and tries not to think about it, even as the images play in her mind like a holovid stuck on repeat. Rey doesn’t get back to sleep that night.


	4. Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Rey finally have the Talk™

Rey drags herself out of bed that morning, exhausted and shaken and a little bit afraid. She gets ready and drags herself across the island, all the while debating whether or not she should tell her master about her dreams. By the time that she gets there, she has tied her stomach in knots and still doesn't know what she wants to do. For once, Luke isn't meditating when she gets there. Instead, he is fiddling with his lightsaber. 

“I was thinking that we’d spar today,” Luke suggests. He looks up from his saber, and his face falls. 

“Rey,” he asks, “are you alright?”

“No,” she says, finally deciding that Luke needs to know this. Rey can’t deal with not knowing what is up with these dreams. She doesn’t even know if he’ll know what it is or any way to help her, but she _needs_ to talk about it. After years of being completely alone Rey doesn’t want to feel that way again. Luke sits down on the rocky ground, and Rey sends him a confused look.

“We’ll sit and talk,” he says. Rey sits down awkwardly, and she’s fairly sure she scratches up her butt as she does. It’s a little uncomfortable, but so is standing. She supposes this is just as good.

“Master,” she says, looking over to him, “I think there’s something wrong with me.” Luke doesn’t say anything, and just looks at her, encouraging her to continue.

“I’ve been having these dreams,” she says, trying to figure out how to word this, “but they don’t feel like dreams.”

“How do they feel?” Luke asks, cautiously.

“They feel real,” she says softly. Luke doesn’t say anything, and Rey takes a deep breath. She doesn’t know how to explain any of this in a way that makes sense. Or even in a way that doesn’t make her look like a villain.

She inhales quietly, using the technique Luke taught her to calm down before she mediates. She takes a few slow, deep breaths, and starts to feel calmer.

“They’re always disjointed- like someone’s flipping the holo between six or seven different shows," she says. 

“Do you know any of the people in them?” Luke asks.

“No,” she says, “at least, I don’t think so.” She takes a moment, and thinks back to them. She remembers the woman with the soft brown eyes, and the togruta girl who she used to teach-

“Ahsoka,” she says, “one of them was Ahsoka.” Luke looks disappointed, as though the name hasn’t clarified anything, and Rey searches a bit deeper. The dreams get harsher and more painful to remember as she digs, but she comes up with another name.

“Obi Wan,” she says, “there was an Obi Wan.” Luke looks shocked, and Rey can’t tell if it’s a good or a bad way. He doesn’t speak, though, so she goes on.

“And I had a son,” she says, as more images rush through her head, “I cut off his hand, and then told him I was his father. He fell down a cavern to escape me.” Luke’s eyes widen at that, and Rey really should stop talking but she _can’t._ It feels like her mouth is running on autopilot.

“And Obi Wan, he was my _friend,_ and we fought and I almost burned alive- and- and- I killed children and- and- _and-_ “ her voice cracks, and her throat feels like it’s burning and Rey doesn’t think that she can talk anymore. She feels guilty and confused and _betrayed,_ and she doesn’t know what to with all these memories that she shouldn’t have.

“What’s wrong with me?” she asks. She doesn’t want to be that person from her dreams.

“Rey,” he says, “I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with you.” 

 “Then what is it?” Rey asks feeling small, almost fragile, “what am I?” She can feel her voice cracking and the beginnings of tears falling from her eyes. Luke crawls over towards her, and closes the foot gap between them. He wraps her up in a hug, which is odd but not unwelcome. It almost makes her feel better.

“You’re my father,” Luke says. Rey can feel her face contort in a look of complete confusion and frustration. She pushes out of the hug.

“What?” she demands. She doesn’t know what that means, but she knows that it doesn’t make any sense.

 “I mean- you were,” he says, looking embarrassed by his own wording, “you _were_ my father. You’re him reincarnated.” Rey’s heard stories about reincarnation, of old zabraks reborn as twi’leks reborn as wookies reborn as togrutas, but she’d never thought much of them. They were as much a part of superstition as _the Force._

She used to think that reincarnation was a myth, but she’s willing to believe in it at this point. She thought Luke Skywalker was a myth too.

“Wait,” she says, “you think that I used to be your father?” The father the galaxy hated, that Kylo idolizes. He thinks that she’s _Darth Vader?_ Luke doesn’t look like he wants to speak, but eventually he does.

“Yes,” he says, “I do.”

“Why?” Rey asks.

“Those were his memories you were describing,” Luke says, “you mentioned telling me you were my father and cutting off my hand.”

“I’m so sorry,” Rey says, and suddenly she feels weird and awkward and guilty.

“Rey,” he says, “please don’t. You don’t need to feel guilty.”   
  
“Why was I- Darth-,” she doesn’t know what to call the person from her dreams, so she settles on, “ _Anakin_. Why was Anakin reincarnated?” In lore, sentients were always reincarnated for a reason. The young girl was once a great queen of old, destined to lead her people out of slavery. The twi’ek man was a great senator, sent back to fix his planet’s problems. They were never reincarnated just for fun.

“There was a prophecy,” he says, “long ago, that my father would bring balance to the Force.” Rey laughs a little at that, a bitterness she didn’t know she possessed rising to the surface.

“ _That_ didn’t happen,” she says, though she can’t tell if she feels contempt or if she hates herself.

“No,” Luke admits, “it didn’t. But this, this is the Force giving him a second chance.” Rey’s breath hitches.

“Master-“

“Rey,” he says, “it’s your chance to make it better- to fulfill the prophecy.” _You were to bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness_ Obi Wan’s voice echoes in her mind. She doesn’t just want to be a means to fulfill a prophecy to Luke. She doesn’t want to be his resurrected father. She just wants to be Rey.

“He was a good man,” Luke says, “or you are a good person… or-“

He sort of stumbles over himself, blushing, and says, “What should I say?”

“I have no idea, master,” Rey says, honestly. She’s never felt that much like a girl, but she doesn’t think that she’d feel much more like a boy either. She doesn’t feel all that connected to any gender, really, but _she_ feels right to her right now.

“You are both good people Rey,” Luke settles on, and he smiles softly at her. It takes Rey a moment to realize what this means. He doesn’t just see her as Rey anymore. 

“I don’t want to be him,” Rey says softly. She’s seen enough of Anakin Skywalker’s memories to know how much he destroyed. She doesn’t want to turn out anything like that. She just wants to be herself, without any of this prophecy or past life business thrown in.

“You don’t have to make the same mistakes,” he assures her. Rey doesn’t want to have made those mistakes at all.

“Master,” she says, “I don’t want to become him, and I don’t want to have ever been him either.” Darth Vader's is not a legacy Rey would have chosen for herself. Leia's? Possibly. Luke's? Probably. Han's? Definitely. But Darth Vader's? That was never a legacy Rey would have chosen, and she doesn’t want any part in it. She doesn’t want to be him. She doesn’t want to be plagued by his memories and his guilt and his loved ones. She just wants to her.

“I’m sorry, Rey,” Luke says, “I know this isn’t what you would have chosen.”

“It isn’t,” she says firmly. Judging by the way that Luke flinches, she might have been too blunt. Luke pauses a moment, probably to really think over his words.

“It’s not all bad,” he promises her, “Anakin Skywalker was a Jedi, and he died one.” Rey is hit by an image of a planet exploding, the sound of voices crying out in terror. She can still hear the children screaming. She doesn’t think that Luke wants to know these things about his father.

“Master,” she says, “this is- this is a lot to process. I think I need to go and lie down.” Luke nods his head in understanding. She pushes herself off of the ground, and tries to ignore the way that Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber hangs heavy from her hilt. She can still hear the voices screaming her ears, a million people crying out in pain. She just wants it to stop. Then, the voices are silenced. Rey doesn’t know if that makes it better.

Luke sounds completely sincere as he says, “Take all the time that you need.” She nods her head numbly, and heads back to the ship. As soon as she gets back she lies down in her cot. She doesn’t want to dream, but she doesn’t want to think either. She chooses the middle path, and lies in her bed and tries to stay awake. It doesn’t last long.

 

A moment later, she is surrounded by sand. It pierces her skin as the wind blows, and she can feel it getting stuck in her hair. Small, round buildings protrude from the dunes, and twin suns beat down on her from above. Her mother puts down the enormous box of scrap metal she was carrying. Rey looks at it, and feels herself grin from ear to ear.

“I’m gonna build you a droid,” Rey says, her voice a proud little squeak. Her mother (his mother?) smiles widely at that, and engulfs her small body in a hug.

“You have such big dreams, Ani,” she says. She looks up at her and feels a little bit annoyed.

“I _can_ do it,” she promises her, “and I _will_.” The woman smiles indulgently as the dream shifts.

Rey is sitting down, face to face with Ahsoka. The togruta girl is as young as she’s ever seen her, and she looks nervous.

 “You never would have made it as Obi Wan’s padawan,” Rey says, “but you might just make it as mine.” Ahsoka smiles at her and it makes Rey feel like she wants to protect her.

The scene shifts before she gets too comfortable. Suddenly, she’s face to face with her wife- _Padmé_ and her warm brown eyes are smiling up at her.

“I’m pregnant,” she says, and Rey feels a flurry of contradicting emotions but she knows that she’s overjoyed. She picks the woman up and spins her around as she giggles. Rey has never loved someone more in her life. The scene fades away, and suddenly, Rey is kneeling on the ground in front of an old, shriveled man. He’s about to save her wife’s life.

“Henceforce,” the man decalres, and Rey would roll her eyes if she weren’t so grateful, “you shall be known as Darth Vader." Rey knows that she’s seen him before, but she can’t remember where. The dream changes before she can think of it.

She is on a star destroyer, along with the shrived old man- _her master_ , and her son. Her son is faring far worse than her master. Luke is writhing on the floor in intense pain from her master’s lighting.

“Father,” he says, “please-“ His voice is cut off by another cry. The bright blue lighting sizzles.

“Now young Skywalker,” her master says, savoring every syllable, “you will die.” He smiles as he shoots even more force lighting at her son, the bolts crackling as they phase through him. She thinks it over for a few seconds, fearful of what might happen if she turns against her master. But in the end, Rey picks the emperor up and throws him over the edge. She collapses against the railing, wondering if that wasn’t the only good thing she did in her life.

She awakens in her own bed, and for once, she doesn’t feel terrified. She almost feels uplifted by the memories she saw tonight. It’s nice to know that all of Anakin’s memories aren’t of killing people or spousal abuse.

Her stomach rumbles, and Rey realizes that she didn’t eat at all before she went back to take her nap. She goes to fix herself up a portion, and finds herself thinking about her master. Luke Skywalker is a man that saw the best in his father (in her) when there was so little good to see. If Rey knows one thing, she knows that Luke loved his father, which sort of means that he loves her too. Rey wants Luke to care about her because of who she is, but she supposes that this is better than nothing. Anakin saved Luke’s life in the end.

She takes a bite into her portion, and thinks that she’s looking forward to actually training tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> luke: i am your father figure and also your son  
> rey: noooooooooooooooo
> 
> a note on rey's gender identity: i think that rey would identify as a demigirl while anakin would have identified as a demiboy. neither of them ever knew these terms though, so the closest that they can come is cis. also they're bi as fuck.


	5. Visions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jedi temple fun times (spoiler alert: the temple times are not fun)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this scene was heavily inspired by the one in swr. 
> 
> also, a few important notes: "she" pronouns are consistently used for memories and feelings specific to rey  
> "he" pronouns are used for memories and feelings specific to anakin  
> "they" pronouns are used to emphasize the fact that they are the same person, or when the two overlap.

The next morning, Rey feels refreshed for once. She doesn’t feel weighed down by the memories, or at least not as heavily. She can breathe without feeling like her chest is collapsing in on itself. Rey grabs her shoes and her lightsaber, and makes the trek to Luke’s cave. She finds him meditating when she gets there. He doesn’t hear her coming, and is still deep in meditation.

“Good morning, master,” Rey says. He doesn’t answer her, and Rey sends him a confused look.

“Master?” she asks, a little bit louder. Luke’s eyes shoot open.

“Sorry, Rey,” he says, “I was distracted.” Rey is honestly impressed by that. She doesn’t think that she’ll ever be able to focus long enough on meditation that she doesn’t notice her surroundings.

“So,” she says, sitting down on the ground beside him, “what are we learning today?”

“Well, um,” Luke says awkwardly, a little cautious, “that depends. Are you alright?” He says it softly, as though he’s afraid that she might shatter.

“Yeah,” Rey says, “I feel a lot better.” She feels much more emotionally stable right now, but she doesn’t know how long that will last. She doesn’t tell Luke that.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Luke asks. Rey realizes that he’s offering her a chance to talk about it again. Rey doesn’t really feel like it right now. She’s honestly feeling good about herself. She thinks that if she talks about it, or delves any deeper into Anakin’s memories, she might not feel so good anymore.

“No,” Rey tells him, “not really.” Luke nods, and doesn’t broach the subject again.

“So,” she says, “what are we doing today?”

“Well,” Luke says, “I was thinking we’d try something different today.” Rey nods her head expectantly, waiting for him to continue.

He asks, “Do you know why I chose right here to settle down?” Honestly, Rey has no idea and nothing worth guessing.

“You found a really comfy rock,” Rey says.

“Ha ha,” Luke says in that way that lets her know he doesn’t find it funny at all. Rey still grins.

“I found a Jedi temple,” he says.

“What do you even _do_ at a Jedi temple?” Rey asks. She tries to ignore the memory of her lightsaber igniting, and the children’s tiny screams.

“You face your deepest fears,” Luke says. Rey sends him a concerned look.

“They made temples just for that?” she asks. She’d think that a temple would be for meditation, not terrifying people.

“Not just for that,” Luke says, “but that part _is_ important. It’s a test, a way to further a young Jedi’s training. The Force hones in on your greatest fears and helps you face them.”

“Are you sure this is necessary?” Rey asks. She has a lot of fears, and she doesn’t really want to face any of them.

“You have a long, difficult road ahead of you, Rey,” Luke says, “we have to make sure that you’re prepared.” Rey nods. She tries to look cool and confident, but she’s shaking in fear. She doesn’t want to know what this Temple has in store for her, and she doesn’t want to know what happens if she fails. She doesn’t want to know what Luke will think of her if she doesn’t live up to his expectations.

“So,” Rey says, forcing a smile, “where is it?”

“It’s a ways away,” Luke says, “we’ll have to walk.” Rey nods her head. She doesn’t know if she’s relieved that she doesn’t have to do it right now, or more worried that she’ll work herself up about it. By the time that they come to a cliff face, Rey has worked her breath up to an unnaturally fast rate. She hopes that Luke hasn’t noticed. Luke stops walking, and holds out his hand like when he lifted the Falcon. A large stone fortress emerges from the cliff face, and Rey lets out a breath of air.

“Wow,” she breathes. Luke grins at her.

“This is the original Jedi temple,” Luke says.

“Why aren’t there any doors?” she asks nervously. She doesn’t want to look stupid before she’s even inside.

“It takes a master and an apprentice to open the temple,” he says.

“So?” Rey asks, not catching his drift.

“I couldn’t open it by myself,” he admits.

“Wait,” Rey says, “are we just doing this because you want to go inside.” If Luke wasn’t able to open the temple by himself, that means that he has squatted here for years and never really been able to reach his objective. That’s actually kind of sad.

“Of course not,” Luke says adamantly, but he’s blushing. Rey suspects that’s at least part of the reason.

“Rey, this is important,” he tells her earnestly. Rey can feel her gut clench in fear.

“Master,” she says, “are you sure that I have to do this?” Rey is afraid of a lot of things, and she’d really prefer not to face any of them. Her dreams have been full of enough of that to last her a lifetime.

“There is something coming, Rey,” Luke says, placing a gentle, comforting hand on her shoulder, “the First Order is gathering its forces, and you need to be ready. This will help you prepare.” Rey sighs, as she thinks of Starkiller Base and what the First Order did to Finn. She thinks of Kylo Ren stabbing a lightsaber through his own father’s heart.

“Alright,” she says, “you’re right. I need to do this.” Rey has to be ready for anything, because she knows the First Order will not hold back.

“Focus on drawing out the temple,” Luke says.

His voice takes on a comforting cadence as he says, “We’ll do this together.” Rey holds out her hand, and focuses on the large rock formation.

 _Let me in_ , she thinks.

“Don’t push,” Luke tells her softly, “the temple wants to move with us.” Rey lets go of her death grip, and tries to ease up. She gently pries at the temple, and she can feel herself working with her master. She sees an opening appear at the bottom of the formation. The opening is slightly taller than her, and she smiles as she sets down her hand.

“We did it,” she says, and Luke nods his head. She starts to walk inside, and realizes when she’s halfway through the entrance that Luke isn’t following her.

“Master?” she asks.

“I can’t follow you in, Rey,” he says regretfully.

“What do you mean?” Rey says, “I thought you said we’d do this _together_.” 

“I meant opening the temple,” Luke tells her, “the trials you’ll face inside are something you must do alone.”

“Did you ever do this?” she demands. She finds that she’s really angry about this. Luke said that they’d do this together, not that he’d leave her alone. Rey doesn’t want to feel alone again.

“Something similar,” he promises. Rey’s rage lessens a bit at that. At least Luke doesn’t expect her to do something that he didn’t.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” Luke promises. He sits down on the rocky ground outside of the entrance, and Rey takes a deep breath as she walks into the temple.

  
She can handle anything that this temple has to throw at her. At least, she hopes that she can.

 

She steps into the black rock cave. Bits of light peak in through the small cracks in the top of the cave, and Rey walks carefully, trying to trip on the uneven ground. She walks further and further into the temple, hand ghosting over her lightsaber. She still can’t wrap her mind around the fact that she’s had this lighsaber in two different lifetimes. She supposes that’s why it called to her, though. It knew it has always belonged to them. She pushes the thoughts out of her head, and tries to focus on going deeper into the cave. Whenever she thinks about her life as Anakin her head starts to hurt.

 

Rey hears something that sounds like footsteps deeper in the cave, and grasps her saber as she ventures deeper in. She doesn’t know what she will face, but she doubts it will be easy. She will need every bit of lightsaber prowess that she’s gained in both of her lives. As she walks deeper into the cave, she finds a great, open cavern. Rey thinks that she might have imagined the footsteps.

Then, she catches a glance of a figure in the shadows. The figure looks human, wide-shouldered and average height. She draws her saber and holds it tightly.

“Who are you?” she demands. Then, the figure turns around. Her heart stops as she recognizes him.

“Finn?” Rey asks, confusing seeping into her voice.

“And you are?” he asks his voice dismissive, uncaring. He doesn’t sound a bit like the witty, caring man that she knows and loves.

“Finn,” she says, “it’s me- it’s Rey.” She grips her lightsaber nervously. How could he not remember? He’s the first person she’s ever really loved, and she had thought- well, she’d thought that he cared about her too. 

“Oh yeah,” he says passionlessly, “I remember you.” Rey can feel her little heart shriveling up.

“We saved each other,” she says softly, “Finn- why are you acting like this?”

“You think that you still matter to me? That’s _cute,_ ” he asks, voice far colder than she’s ever heard it.

“But you came back for me,” Rey says, and her voice is so small that she can barely hear it.

“I wouldn’t do it again,” he says. Rey can feel her whole world crashing down around her. Finn is so warm and kind and good, and Poe was already head over heels in love with him. There’s no doubt that he’s been able to make much better friends and they’re probably dating now and he doesn’t care about her anymore, just like her mother and Padmé and Ahsoka and Obi Wan and-

Suddenly, Poe is standing there with him, smiling at Finn like he’s the center of the universe. He's smiling at Finn the way that Rey would smile at him. 

“He loves me more,” Poe says, and his normally carefree smile turns into a sneer. He takes Finn’s hand, and they turn around to leave.

Rey still feels small, and scarred. She still feels like her world is crashing down around her, but she doesn’t want to curl up in a ball. She feels like she could burn the world down. She wants to hurt someone, and she can feel herself lifting her hand to force choke Poe before she decides to. She hasn’t felt this angry since _Mustafar_ with her rage and the burning and her hand wrapped around Padmé’s pretty little throat.

Rey drops her hand instantly, as if she’s been burned, and she feels guilty and suffocated. She almost hurt her friend out of jealousy and rage. No matter how terrible the both of them have been, and no matter how angry Rey is, neither of them deserve that. She almost became _him_ again. 

 

Her breathing is heavy, laborious. She feels like the temple is collapsing around her as she looks to where Finn and Poe left. She can’t see them anymore, but she can see another figure walking in from the shadows. A shriveled old man in flowing black robes steps into the light.  

“Vader,” Palpatine with his lips pulled back into a smile that looks like sneer, “my old friend.”

“I’m not him,” she says in a voice that’s not her own. It’s deep, robotic, and just reeks of Vader. She looks at her hands, which are now coated in black gloves. She touches them to her face, but is not able to touch her flesh. She comes upon a bulky helmet instead.

“But you were,” Palpatine says. Rey ignites her lightsaber, blade shining red against her reflective helmet. She drops it in terror, and Palpatine laughs.

“Don’t deny yourself, Lord Vader,” he says, sounding pleasant enough that she can remember when they thought he was their friend, “red always suited you better.” He laughs, and he positions his hands in a familiar gesture. He’s about to shoot lightning. Rey calls the lightsaber to her hand, and she feels dirty as she uses it to block his blow.

“See,” he says, voice thick with condescension, “that wasn’t so hard.”

“Burn on Mustafar,” she growls. 

“I haven’t,” he taunts, “but you have.” She can feel the memories flooding back, all that pain and suffering and anger hitting her in waves. Apparently, Palpatine can see how it affects her.

 “They will abandon you again, each and every one of them,” he coos, every word hitting her like a blast from the Death Star.

“I am the only one that will remain,” he says, taunting and soothing, his whole persona a contradiction, “I am the only one who stood by you.”

“My name is Rey,” she snarls in Vader’s voice. He laughs amicably, as though her resistance amuses him.

“You will be Vader again,” Palpatine promises, “you almost were today.” She growls as she swats away another bolt of lightning.  Rey will _not_ become that again. Luke saved her from that fate long ago, and Finn came back for her. They won’t leave her to die. She refuses to believe that. She _refuses_ to become Vader again. Palpatine laughs again, loud and long, and lets go of his lightning stance. Rey takes her chance.

“No,” Rey says in her own voice, “I won’t.” She swings her red lightsaber, and strikes her old master down. Palpatine disappears completely, not even leaving his robes like Obi Wan once did. She touches her face, and is met by her own flesh.

“I’m me,” she says softly, a reserved sort of joy rushing through her. She’s still herself. Even in her foggy confusion, she knows that.

Why was she here again? She rifles through her brain for memories. She goes through training sessions with Luke, dreams, the ordeal with Finn and Poe. Then, she comes to a memory of Luke telling her about the Jedi Temple and the test she would face there.

“This was a test,” she says blankly, thankful that it’s her own voice she hears. Rey doesn’t know how to feel. None of it was real. She dealt with her deepest fears, and none of it even matters. On one hand, she’s overjoyed, of course, that Finn hasn’t rejected her, that she didn’t almost force choke Poe. But on the other hand, almost force choking Poe, even if it wasn’t real, it matters. Her own actions were what was fucked up about that situation, and it gives her chills. The closest she was to becoming Vader again was _real_ , her actual doing. She tries not to think about that part too much.

Rey clutches her lightsaber, and turns around, trying to find her way out of the temple. Fifteen minutes later, she sees a burst of bright light and lets out a sigh of relief. She staggers out of the temple, exhausted and terrified. Luke can see it on her face.

“Rey,” he says, “are you alright?”

“I don’t think so,” she says, frustrated by her broken voice. She can feel stubborn, angry tears welling in her eyes and tries to will them away.

“Rey,” he says, “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have sent you in there right after you found out, I shouldn’t have-“

“It’s not your fault,” Rey says, voice crumbling the way sand stones used to when she’d throw them against her AT-AT, “it’s mine.”

“Rey-“

“Please,” she says, “I just- I don’t want to talk about it.” Luke doesn’t try to get her to open up, and doesn’t speak as he escorts her back to the Falcon. Rey collapses on the bed, and cries into her pillow. She knows why Anakin went dark all those years ago, has felt the anger and betrayal and bitterness of rejection again, and she doesn’t know what she’ll do if it’s real once more. She doesn’t know how she’ll react if she’s abandoned, and Force is Rey afraid.

She knows what it’s like to be Vader on Mustafar, and she doesn’t ever want to be that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy abandonment and identity issues batman


	6. Attachment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some dreams and some thoughts on attachment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have very little excuse for not updating this for three months. in september and october i had very little motivation to write at all because i was kind of bombarded by life, and then when i finally did find my muse again it only wanted to write young justice fic. 
> 
> i hope that you guys are like the cool teachers and will take incredibly late work.

The barren, desert countryside passes by in a blur. She grips the controls, and steers the pod slightly the left. Adrenaline courses through her veins as she rams the controls to avoid another pod. She laughs as she crosses the finish line, proud and overjoyed and _finally_ free.

_Now this is pod racing._

The scenes change, and memories shift. Suddenly, it is years later. Her mother is long dead, and Obi Wan has met his grave. She held his body, and went to the funeral, but it doesn’t feel _real._ The council won’t even let her do anything, when her master, her _best friend_ is dead. His murderer is on the loose, and the only person that has even tried to understand her feelings is snips. No one else seems to care that he’s dead, that he’ll never chastise her again or roll his eyes fondly or see Ahsoka knighted. A lifetime of experiences and memories has been stolen from them and no one else gives a shit that he’s gone.

No one else cares, and she can feel the anger boiling inside of her. She wants his killer to _pay._ The scene melts away, and another springs up in its place. She is in the medical bay of a ship, looking at a tiny Ahsoka in a hospital gown. Her little padawan completed her mission, and saved her friend in the process. She’s so proud she feels like her heart might burst. Ahsoka, however, looks disturbed.

 “Master, on the ship, Barriss was gone. She wanted me to kill her,” Ahsoka says, sounding frightened, “She told me—“

“But you couldn't do it,” Rey says,

“ No,” Ahsoka says, “No, I couldn't. But should I have? I mean, it worked out now, but if we had failed, if the ship docked and the worms spread, and-“

“Ahsoka, it's your duty to save as many lives as you can. Barriss knew you could save thousands if the worms were destroyed, which she thought meant destroying her too. But you did the right thing. You knew the freezing cold would kill the worms. Letting go our attachments is a difficult struggle for all of us.” A million conversations flash through her mind, Yoda, Obi Wan, Master Unduli, and countless others all urging her to let go of her attachments. But her attachments have made her strong, have made her happy. Rey doesn’t see what could be wrong with that.

“You followed your instincts. I'm sure she would agree that you made the right choice.” She looks towards Barriss, who is asleep across the room. Ahsoka smiles, content that her friend is alive and that she’s not a terrible Jedi. Rey is so proud of her young padawan.

“You look terrible,” Rey tells Obi Wan who doesn’t look like Obi Wan. It’s such a relief, to be able to tease her master. She thought that he was dead, that she’d never see him again. And now she knows that it was all a ruse by the Jedi Council. Obi Wan’s not dead, and he never would have let her think so if he weren’t under orders.

“Being a criminal is not easy work,” Obi Wan retorts easily. It feels like old times, and even though Rey’s still angry at the Council, it’s one of the happiest moments of her life. Her master is still alive, and it’s the greatest relief that she’s ever felt.

“If I'd known what was going on, I could have helped you,” she says, “too bad the Council didn't trust me.” Obi Wan looks embarrassed at that, and her heart falls.

“It was my decision to keep the truth from you,” Obi Wan says, “I knew if you were convinced I was dead, Dooku would believe it as well.” Rey feels rage building within her.

“Your decision?” She demands. She couldn’t imagine her master being cruel enough to let her think that he was dead. Realizing that feels like a punch to the gut.

“Look, I know I did some questionable things, but I did what I had to do,” Obi Wan says, and she can just hear him rolling his eyes, “I hope you can understand that.” It’s half an apology at best, and he doesn’t even seem to acknowledge how hurt she is. She thought that he was _dead_ , and that she would never see him again. Rey’s never felt so betrayed in her life.

She can still feel her blood boiling as the scene shifts to a dusty planet, and her mother’s moving face. Her mother, the one that loved her, smiles down at her. Rey thinks that she has to leave her, and she doesn’t want to. She wants nothing more than to stay with the mother who loves her.

“I don’t want to leave you, mom,” she says. And she doesn’t. She knows the pain of living without a mother, though she doesn’t know how. She doesn’t want that again. 

“Don’t look back,” her mother says, her voice cracking.

“I love you so much,” Rey says, wrapping her arms around her, hugging her so tightly she might never let go. She can feel the Jedi’s gaze on her, and she finally lets go. She’s going to free her, she knows. She’s going to free her mother too. She looks back at her mother, and then turns toward her future.

The scene shifts to a sandy planet, but a different one. One she knows even better, and hates even more. Rey can feel the harsh grip on her arms, and she’s starring longingly at a space ship. She tries to break away from the man’s grip, but it’s strong. He’s fully grown, and she’s a child, and a small one at that.

Her mother is on that ship, and Rey has to get to her. She has to convince her not to leave, or to take her with her. Rey can’t go on here alone. She flails more, hoping to break the man’s grip, but it’s no good. He’s holding her as tightly as a strong magnet does a piece of metal.

 “No,” she screams, tears in her eyes and a harsh pain in her throat, “No, no, please, don’t leave-“ She sees the ship fly into space, and she cries harder and harder as her mother leaves.

“I’m sorry, kid,” the man says as he finally lets her go, “it’s just- your mom gave me good money, you know? A man’s got to eat.” Rey can’t feel anything but fear and anger, so she doesn’t sympathize with him.

“Leave,” she growls, the most intimidating a girl of her age can sound. The man does. He looks a bit guilty, but satisfied with himself as well. He has his money, and Rey has no mother to go home to. She knows that her mother told her she’d be back, but there’s a part of her that knows she never will. She falls onto the sandy ground, and cries herself dehydrated.   


After Rey awakens, it takes her a moment to remember that she is not on Jakku. She is on Ahch-To, training with Luke Skywalker to become a Jedi. Her mother never came back for her, but a man named Finn did. And in another life, she was Anakin Skywalker. The last part’s not as comforting as the rest of it, but it’s a reminder that she’s different now. She is not the scarred little girl left alone on Jakku anymore.

Even knowing that it’s over now, it was still the worst dream that Rey has had. The others were awful, of course. Remembering burning alive or killing children or being abandoned is terrible. But Rey’s own mother leaving her? That’s her own pain, fresh and new. The wound hasn’t healed yet, and it brings all the pain of realizing her mother was never coming back oozing to the surface again. Instead of focusing on that, Rey tries to think about the rest of the dream. Anakin’s pain is more foreign to her. It’s real, and it’s hers, but not in the way that things in this life are. It’s once removed, like something she watched on a particularly vivid holovid, or of course, happened in a dream.

Somehow she thinks that going through Anakin’s memories would be less painful than lingering on her own. She digs through the old memories, trying to remember more. Most of her last dream became fuzzy and unfocused after the appearance of her own memories.  The only thing that she remembers clearly from the dream is that the Jedi thought that attachment was wrong, that it led to the dark side. Considering why she had become Vader in the first place, and what happened yesterday, she’s not sure that the Order was wrong.  

Rey knows that she has formed attachments. For years, she wasn’t close to enough to anyone to love them, but now, she’s got Finn and Luke and Chewie and maybe even Poe. She doesn’t want to give that up, and she doesn’t want to lose them. But she also doesn’t want to become Vader again, and she’s not sure which scares her more, losing the people she cares about or what will happen because of that?

_Let go of your attachments, you must_ , Yoda says in her mind. Maybe she _should_ stop caring, before they leave her and her emotions eat her alive. She thinks that she needs to ask her master about this. Keeping secrets from him hasn’t been nearly as helpful as just telling him the truth.

Rey grabs her lightsaber, and heads out for another day of training. Luke is meditating when she gets there, which isn’t much of a surprise. She sits down beside him, and waits for him to notice that she has. It takes nearly twenty minutes of him meditating and Rey just sitting there, giggling under her breath for him to notice. He opens his eyes, and they widen when he notices her.

“How long have you been there?” he asks, looking flustered.

“A few hours,” she says with a big old grin. He looks like he’s about to explode, and Rey laughs.

“I’m kidding, master,” she says, “it’s been about fifteen minutes.” Luke looks a bit relieved at that.

“Well,” he says, trying to regain some of his composure, “are you ready for training?”   

“I actually- I wanted to ask you something first,” she says.

“What is it?” he asks, sounding concerned. Rey wants to reassure him that it’s nothing to worry about, but she isn’t sure that it is. She tries to tell herself that this will easy to talk about, after the fiasco that was finding out about her past life.

“Master,” Rey says, “is attachment wrong?”

“Attachment?” Luke asks her. He sounds confused, like he was expecting a completely different question.

“I just- I had some more dreams,” she says, “the Jedi Order used to think that getting attached to people led to the dark side.”

“That sounds like them,” Luke says. Rey can tell that there’s a lot of emotion in his voice, but she hasn’t been around people long enough to catch all the subtleties. She thinks that he’s unhappy though.

“What does?” Rey asks.

“When I was training with Master Yoda, he didn’t want me to leave to go save Han and Leia,” Luke says, “because my training wasn’t complete. He thought that I would fall.”

“You didn’t,” Rey points out. She remembers how well that went for Vader.

“I didn’t,” Luke says, “caring about people is a strength, not a weakness.” Rey doesn’t know if she wants to go any further with this.

“Why are you so worried?” he asks. Rey knows that she could say that she doesn’t want to talk about it. She could laugh, and write it off as nothing. Luke won’t pry if she doesn’t want him to. But she wants to talk to him, this weird quasi father-mentor-son figure that she doesn’t know what to do with. She wants him to make her feel better.

“When I was Anakin,” she says, because saying _your father_ would be too weird, “I loved people dangerously.”

“Dangerously?” he asks.

“Like, I did bad things when they were in danger, dark things,” she says, “I thought that Padmé was going to die in childbirth. I kept having visions of it, and I was so afraid, Luke. I couldn’t go to the Jedi about it because we’d broken the Code, but Palpatine promised he could save her. I- I thought he was my friend, and I believed him.” She feels so stupid saying those words now, but Luke doesn’t look like he thinks she’s stupid. He looks enthralled, and deeply sad. Rey realizes that this is family history for him, this is personal. That’s a really weird thing to try to digest.

“That’s why I became Darth Vader,” she continues, “because I was afraid that my wife would die- I was afraid that _you_ would die. And I felt like that when I was fighting Ren on Starkiller. I thought he was going to kill Finn, and I was so angry and afraid and I would have done anything to stop him… _Anything._ ” After that, Luke is silent. He doesn’t have a comforting word of wisdom right away, or even a snappy comment.

Rey’s worried that she might have ruined everything. She wasn’t supposed to be like Vader. She might be Luke’s father, but he didn’t want her to be the dark parts. He wanted her to be the Jedi, the father that saved him, the _Hero Without Fear._ He doesn’t want Vader born again.

“Rey,” he says, “I understand.” She sends him a distressed, confused look because how could _he_ understand. Luke Skywalker, the Jedi hero of the rebellion who did nothing but save people, including her?

“I’m not sure if you remember this,” he says, “but on the second Death Star, Vader realized that Leia was your- my sister. He threatened her, and I’ve never been as mad before or since. I would have killed Vader, right then and there. At least, I would have, if I weren’t able to draw back my anger.” Rey does remember that now, the odd mix of joy and fear and heartbreak upon realizing she had two children that she’d hurt, two she couldn’t protect. She feels guilty about it now.

“Rey,” he says, “we’ve all come close to the dark side. You just have to draw your line, and make sure not to cross it.”

“But if you didn’t love her so much,” Rey says, “then you’d never have come close to the dark side.”

“Yes,” Luke says, “but if I didn’t love my father, then I never would have brought him back.” Rey had never thought about it that way before. 

“Caring about others is what makes us sentient, Rey,” he says, “it makes life worth living. You wouldn’t want to go back to being alone, would you?”

“No,” Rey says, her voice cracking, “I wouldn’t.” She can’t think of many things worse than going back to waiting for a mother who will never come back for her.

“I’m sorry,” Luke says, “I didn’t think-“

“No,” Rey says, “I needed that.” She just wants to know that it’s alright to care about people. She doesn’t want to turn to the dark side, but she doesn’t want to give up on all love either. Love was both the best and the worst thing that ever happened to Anakin Skywalker.

“I needed to know that it’s alright to care,” she says, voice cracking all over the place, “that I won’t end up like-“ She can’t say the name, but Luke knows what she means.

“You are the best parts of him, Rey,” Luke promises her. She knows that means something, coming from the man who decided to save him. She hasn’t started crying yet, but she can feel tears prickling at her eyelashes. She doesn’t want to talk anymore. Luke seems to sense that.

“Come on,” Luke says, holding out a hand to help her up, “let’s spar.” Rey takes it, and pulls herself up. She smiles, and draws her lightsaber. Luke draws his own green blade, and the fight begins.


	7. The Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the plot strikes back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, i'm sorry guys. i updated really frequently for a while and then POOF i forgot about this fic until november and then i lost momentum again. i'm really bad with wips. 
> 
> i'm almost finished with the fic now though, and i can safely promise that this fic will get a conclusion.

Images play before her eyes; battles, deserts, deaths, and diplomats. She has seen most of it before, in one life or the next. She’s getting better at determining where Anakin’s memories begin and where her own memories end. Rey steadies her breathing, and focuses. She dives in a little deeper, to a scene on a metal space station, the same one where she killed Obi Wan Kenobi.

She stands behind Leia Organa, twenty years younger, and hair a dark shade of brown. Technically, this is Anakin’s daughter, though she doubts Leia ever would have claimed him. An old man- Grand Moff Tarkin, she remembers, presses the Princess to give a location. He offers to switch targets to destroy, from her home planet to a rebel base. She ends up giving him a location, but he does not change his destination. He fires on Alderaan. The planet explodes before her eyes, and Rey opens hers, trying not to dwell on the memory. Luke can still see how shaken she is.

“You don’t have to keep doing this if you don’t want,” Luke says softly. He sits cross-legged beside her, and sends her a gentle look.

“You were the one that suggested it,” she says. Luke flinches back, and she can tell that she hit a nerve. She didn’t mean to insult him. The suggestion had been reasonable, and he didn’t tell her that she had to. He just said he thought it would be good to figure out what all she can remember, and to make sure she can tell one life’s memories from the other.

“Please, Rey,” he says with a deep sincerity, “I don’t want you to hurt yourself over it.”

“No,” Rey says, “I need- I need to get used to this.” She needs to figure out how to discern which memories are from which life. And she needs to know what all she did as Vader. She can’t have a morality crisis every time she discovers that she committed another atrocity.

“What was it?” he asks cautiously.

“I- _he_ watched a planet explode, Leia’s planet,” she says.

“Alderaan,” he says softly. Rey looks away, guilty. It might not have been her the way that she is now, but it was her at one point. At one point, they were willing to watch billions of people die. At one point, they were willing to kill hundreds themself. Rey doesn’t know how she’s supposed to feel about that.  

“None of those things were you,” he says, “not really.” But they were, Rey knows. If she’s going to claim Anakin’s strengths, his achievements and his son, she has to claim his atrocities as well.

“Thank you,” she says, not really believing him. She appreciates the effort, nonetheless. Rey takes a deep breath, and dives back into her head. She finds a few of her own memories this time: random scavenging days, being left alone on Jakku, and even her fight with Kylo Ren. Rey doesn’t dig any deeper, but a vision finds her. She’s never seen this one before, and for a moment, she thinks that it must be one of Anakin’s. She is a small room. It looks as though it’s made of metal, but there’s sand coming in from underneath the doors. Then, she spots what’s inside the room. Kylo Ren, clad all in black, and Finn bound to a metal chair. Her breath hitches in her throat.

She doesn’t understand what this is. It’s not a memory, so what is it? A dream? A vision? Like the ones in the temple? The two men glare each other down, and Ren breaks eye contact first.

Ren laughs, a harsh, bitter sound, and says, “Looks like I talk first.” Finn sends him a confused look before his face sets back into his glare.

“What have you done with Poe?” he asks, anger thick in his voice.

“Your boyfriend’s fine,” Ren says dismissively. He has opted not to wear the mask. Somehow he looks more intimidating that way. He’s a man who turned against his family, a man who killed his father right before her eyes. A jagged scar runs across his face, and Rey feels a bit of sadistic pride. _She_ did that.

“He’s not my-“

“Whatever,” Ren says, and he doesn’t even bother to look at Finn, “All you need to know is that I have not harmed him. Neither of you are any good to me dead.”

“What do you want, Ren,” Finn finally says.  

“Nothing from you, specifically,” he says. He’s smiles a bitter smile.

“Then what do you want, s _pecifically_?” Finn asks, sarcasm thick on the last word. As usual, Ren doesn’t answer his question.

“If I hurt you,” he says, “the girl will come.”

“You won’t find her,” Finn tells him.

“No,” Ren says with a ghost of a grin, “she’ll find me.”

He gestures to the room, and proudly says, “I brought you to her home, after all.” Finn’s look sours even more, like he bit into something rotten.

“Jakku?” he says, hysterical laughter bubbling at his lips, “you brought me to Jak-“ Ren stretches his hand out, and Rey can feel it start to wrap around Finn’s throat.

“Fucking Jakku." Ren laughs as tightens his grip. Rey feels the air leave her lungs as a hand seals itself around her throat. She gasps as she opens her eyes, and she brings her hands to her throat. There are no hands, but the pain has not stopped. It’s different, _harsher_ , and less concentrated on her throat. She does not dive back into her mind.

“What memory did you see?” Luke asks cautiously.

 “That wasn’t a memory,” she tells him, her voice shaky.

“What did you see?” Luke asks instead.

Rey takes a deep breath, and says, “Finn’s in trouble.”

“You had a vision,” he says.

“Yes." 

“What’s happened to him?” Luke asks.

“Kylo Ren has him,” she says softly, “he’s hurting him.” Luke looks surprised, but only a little.

“What is it?” Rey asks. She needs to know how Luke knew Kylo would do this, how she can predict his movements.

“He wants to be like Vader,” Luke says, and suddenly Rey understands. He’s- he’s recreating Bespin. When she lured Luke there by capturing his friends, and then tried to capture him. She has no idea why he’d want to set it on _Jakku_ though.

“Karabast,” Rey mutters. Now she remembers what he said, _If I hurt you, the girl will come._ She couldn’t remember that when she woke up, through all of the pain, but now the words ring in her ears, loud and clear. Ren is hurting Finn to get to _her._ Rey wants to run something through with her lightsaber. She can’t believe that they used that same tactic, once. It’s so _awful_. It makes her feel dirty just thinking about it.

“What do I do?” She asks. She knows that there is a Jedi edict against attachment, and that one of the reasons that they fell was because of theirs. Rey knows that she’s attached to Finn, and that might be bad, but she also knows that she _can’t_ leave him to this.

“Master,” she says hopelessly, “what do I do?” She has so many conflicting thoughts in her head, and she doesn’t know which ones are right. She doesn’t know which path doesn’t lead to the dark side. They don’t have a good track record avoiding it. Luke takes a deep breath, and bites his lip. He doesn’t look certain of anything at all.

“Master Yoda would have said to leave him,” Luke says, “that to save him would be giving into attachment.” He pauses then, and Rey doesn’t know if that’s all he has to say.

“And you?” she asks.

“I think that’s a load of bantha shit,” he says. That shocks Rey right out of her terrified silence. She laughs out loud.

“I think that caring about people is what makes Jedi better,” he says, “my connection to my friends? That’s what kept me fighting during the war. Caring about people is healthy, Rey. You’ve just got to know where to draw the line.” She pauses a moment, and thinks of Anakin’s memories. He _never_ knew where to draw the line, but Rey isn’t sure that he knows either.

“Where do you draw the line?” Rey asks.

“It depends,” Luke says, in a questioning tone that lets Rey know he has no fucking clue.

“So you’re saying I should go save him,” Rey says hopefully.

“I’m saying you should trust your best judgement,” Luke says. Rey stands up, and offers Luke a hand.

“You’re saying I should save him,” she repeats. Luke grins slightly at that.

“I’m saying you should save him,” he says. Rey sheaths her saber.

“Come on,” Luke says, gesturing towards the Falcon, “I’ll walk you back to your ship.” They walk back to the ship in relative silence. They stop in front of it when they finally reach it.

“I’ll be back, master,” she promises.

“You’d better,” he says with a grin, “I don’t actually have a way off this planet.” Rey laughs, loud and long. She engulfs her mentor, her son, her father figure in a hug. He hugs her back, tightly. Neither lets go for what seems like forever. Rey finally pushes out of the hug, and Luke nods his head, acknowledging the fact that she has to leave.

“Be safe, Rey,” he tells her. Rey nods her head.

“You too,” she says with a little grin. Luke rolls his eyes at her, and she grins as she boards the ship.

 

She has a Finn to save.


	8. Back to Where it Began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why does everything happen on Jakku?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to finish this damn fic before i leave for my trip by tuesday if it kills me. there are two chapters left that i have written now, but not quite edited so i think it can happen. 
> 
> sorry for not responding to comments last chapter but they all asked spoiler questions so i decided that since i was posting today and probably finishing tomorrow, it would be easier to just let you guys see for yourselves

After Rey decided to leave Jakku, she never thought that she’d end up back. The planet’s a sandy hellscape, filled to the brim with bad memories. She hates Jakku with every fiber of her being, but she’d spend the rest of her life there if that’s what it takes to find Finn. After returning, Rey thinks that it might actually take that.

 

Jakku is an entire planet. It’s not a large one, but it’s still a whole planet. There are still thousands of miles of desert for her to search, and she doesn’t know where to start. She grasps the Falcon’s controls, and looks at the planet from orbit. She tries to figure out where to start, so that she doesn’t have to comb through every flake of sand.

 

Jakku has a ton of scattered settlements, but Rey can’t imagine Ren squatting in just any old hovel. She thinks about the sites for a moment, and decides that he’s unlikely to be in any but the biggest one, Gallu. Compared to most other planets, Jakku’s capitol is a speck on the map. It only has sixty thousand residents, which is fewer than the crew of some ships. Still, it’s the largest settlement on Jakku and according to Poe, it’s the only place on the planet that could pass as civilization anywhere else.

 

Rey lands the Falcon on the outskirts of the city, and starts her search. Most of the buildings in the city are made of sandstone or scrap metal. From her dream, Rey remembers that the building Ren was in was made of smooth, high quality metal. It likely looks nicer from the outside than the rest of them. It’s not a whole lot to go off of, but it’s a start. Rey walks deeper into the city, intent on finding and rescuing her friends. Maybe, she’ll kick Ren’s ass again in the process.  

 

Two hours later, Rey finds a building that she’s almost positive is the spot. It looks like a metal palace. It’s more expensive than anything Rey has ever seen on-planet before. She didn’t know that anyone on Jakku had this much wealth. The First Order sigil flies out front, black and red set off against the bright hues of the sand and the light grey of the metal. It’s the most colorful thing for miles.

“Looks like he’s not hiding,” Rey mutters under her breath. Ren wants her to find him. Likely, so that he can drag her off to his master. Either that, or kill her. She’s not sure which one concerns her more.

Stormtroopers stand at the gates, while a few others walk around, patrolling the perimeter. Rey would prefer not to have to fight any of them. A single trooper stands in front of a door, and Rey tries to sneak up on him. It doesn’t work. The trooper turns abruptly around, but he doesn’t raise his weapon.

“What are you doing here?” he demands. He still doesn’t take out his blaster, which means he doesn’t think that she’s a threat. Rey can use that.

“I was just looking for my friend,” she says.

“They’re not around here,” he says sarcastically, “trust me.” It reminds her of Finn, and his utter hatred for this planet. Rey wonders how many of them were taken from their families when they were babies. She wonders if the entire army is made of child soldiers, if they’re all just Finns who couldn’t escape. She tries not to think about that as she mind tricks him.

“You will open the door, and let me into the building,” she says, allowing her voice to take on the cadence she used to trick that trooper on the Starkiller.

“I will open the door,” he says, as he starts to do just that, “and let you into the building.”

“You will forget about this conversation,” she tells him. He parrots it back to her, and Rey sneaks into the building with a clean conscience.

 

She sneaks around for thirty minutes, evading troopers and looking in every room that she can. There’s almost nothing in the entire building, only empty metal hallways and closed doors. Rey thinks that Ren must have cleared it out before he took it as a base. She opens each door with ease, until she finds one that’s locked. She focuses on it and unlocks the door.

 

Then, the alarms sound. Her heart races, but she thinks that’s a good sign. It means that she’s stumbled on something that they don’t want her to find, right? She runs into the room, and lets out a sigh of relief. She sees Finn. He’s bleeding, and bound to a chair, but he’s alive.

“Finn,” she says. He opens his eyes, groggily. They widen as he sees her.

“Rey?” he asks, cautiously.

“Yes, Finn,” she says, and it feels like her heart might burst, “it’s me.” She rushes forward, and he laughs happily, tears prickling at his eyelids.

“You know this is a trap, right?” he asks.

“Definitely,” she says, slashing through his bonds with her blade, “but you’re worth it.” Rey doesn’t think she’s ever seen Finn smile so wide.

“We have to find Poe,” he says seriously. Rey feels her heart fall when she remembers that it’s not just them. She won’t let that get to her, though. Poe is still her friend, and they have to find him. Rey helps Finn to his feet, and drapes his arm over her shoulder. They start searching the halls, and run into a guard.

“Ren’s Jedi is here,” one of the officers shouts. Rey holds out her hand, and sends the man barreling into the wall. He doesn’t say anything after that. Finn laughs. Eventually, they find the room that Poe is being held in. Poe, thank the Force, is completely fine.

“Poe,” Finn says, with every bit of excitement that he had for her. Poe

“Babe,” he says, “you’re hurting me.” Poe lets go. Rey tries not to dwell too much on “babe”.

“Sorry,” he says. He awkwardly pats Rey on the back.

“Thanks for saving us,” he says. Rey shrugs. She doesn’t know what she _could_ say to that. Finn doesn’t let go of her shoulder.

“Where are we, anyways?” Poe finally asks.

“You’re on Jakku,” Rey says, with an evil grin. Finn glares in her direction.

“Why does everything happen on _Jakku,”_ Finn snaps.

“The universe hates you,” Poe says, and Finn sends him a look that’s half a grin and half a glare. A blaster shoots by them, and Rey draws her lightsaber.

“Find my ship,” she says, “and fly back to the resistance base.”

“We’re not leaving you,” Finn says, firmly.

“I’m the one that Ren wants,” Rey says.

“We’re not leaving you,” Finn sends, sending Poe a serious look.

“I agree with Finn,” Poe says, “we need to get out, together.”

“Please,” Rey says, “I want both of you safe. If I try to leave with you, Ren will find us. We might all be captured." Poe nods. Finn sees this, and his eyes widen. 

“Wait- Poe,” he says, “we are not leaving her- we’re not leaving you-“ She places a few credits and the keys to her ship in Poe’s hands. 

“Please,” she says, “get off planet, any way you can. I need you safe, both of you.” Poe nods, and Finn sends him a terrified and angry look.

“We’re not leaving her,” Finn says desperately, and Poe grasps his shoulder a little tighter.

“Not forever,” Poe promises. Finn still looks angry. Rey knows that he won’t accept this easily, but she knows that he needs to. He's too injured, and she knows that they won't all three be able to escape. At least, not all at once. 

“I’ll stay safe,” Rey says, “I promise.” She doesn’t know if this is a lie or not. Finn bites his lip, and it looks like he's deliberating. Then he sighs, and nods. Rey knows that she's won. 

“I’m holding you to that,” Finn says.  Poe grasps his blaster as he and Finn hobble out of the compound. Rey grasps her lightsaber as she wanders deeper into it.


	9. No, I AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the confrontation between Rey and Kylo Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am finishing this today so help me god

Rey ventures deeper into compound. The hallways are all narrow and made of metal, more like a star destroyer than a normal building. She comes into a large, open area. The ceiling is made of metal, and comes to a high point. It reminds her of the tents that she spent so much time in before leaving this god forsaken planet.

The room is square, and at each end a hallway extends off of it. A few stormtroopers come in and out of the center, chatting among themselves. She stands in the middle for a moment, trying to decide which route to take. Then, she spots a tall figure in black walking towards her from the hallway right across from her.

“I see you, scavenger,” he says, “you can’t run.” Rey turns to the right, and runs as fast as her legs can carry her. The right hallway, of course, was a bad choice of escape route. With her luck, she should have gone with the route her gut told her _not_ to take.

She comes to a dead end. The hallway simply stops halfway down. She spots Kylo Ren, her poor, misguided grandson, sauntering down the hallway towards her. She reaches for the nearest door, and tries to force it open. It doesn’t work, and she realizes that she won’t be able to get any of them open. It’s unlikely that any of these rooms would provide her with exits anyways. Kylo is mere feet away from her now, and Rey makes a decision. She draws her saber, and starts walking to meet him. Kylo laugh as he draws his.

“Do you think I can beat me?” he asks her. He’s still fifteen feet away, but she sends him a feral grin.

“I did before.”

“That wasn’t a fair fight,” he growls, “I was injured.”

“Excuses, excuses,” she says, slashing towards him. He blocks her blow, and immediately meets it with one of his own. It’s not as sloppy as before, less passionate and more focused. This is a bad sign.

“You’ve been practicing,” she says.

“Well,” he says, taking a large step forward and forcing her back another few feet, “I had a worthy opponent.” She’s seven feet or so from the back corner now, and Rey knows that if he gets her there this fight is through. If he corners her, she won’t be able to recover. This feels like banter, a bit like what she had with Obi Wan, but she knows that it’s not. She knows what it’s like to serve a dark master, and she is no Luke to his Vader. She could not drag him from the dark the way that her son did for her.

“Flattering,” she says, attempting to slide in past him. He anticipates her move, and shoves his lightsaber behind him and in front of her path. She is barely able to jump back before taking a lightsaber to the gut. She’s three feet from the wall now, and at this rate, she’ll be cornered in a minute. Kylo brings his saber down in a large, fast arc. Rey blocks easily.

“Join me,” he says. He’s confident that he has her cornered, maybe she can use that. Rey tries to sideswipe him, but he catches it. He lifts his lightsaber swift and with all his strength, and Rey feels hers go flying.

“Surrender,” he says. Rey reaches for her saber with the Force, but she feels him push her forward with the Force. She bangs he head against the metal wall. Then, she feels his hot lightsaber crackling centimeters from her neck.

“Please, Rey,” he says, softly and gently for a man who has a lightsaber to her neck, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“ _Right_ , that’s why you have a lightsaber to my neck.” She wants to get him talking. If she can distract him, she might be able to reclaim her saber and escape.

“I don’t, Rey. I don’t understand why, but feel a connection to you.” Rey laughs bitterly, and he glares.

“You mock my pain?” She laughs even harder. _Rey_ hates him. The person that she was and is in this life hates every part of him. She hates him for what he did to Han, to Leia, to _Finn._ But he person that she was? Anakin? Anakin wants to bring his stupid, reckless grandson to the light. Anakin understands what it’s like to fall that far, and to have someone care enough to bring him back.

The person that they are together doesn’t know how to feel.

“Maybe together we can be as strong as Darth Vader.” He says this like it’s a great epiphany, like somewhere in those words are the answers he’s been seeking. This time her laughter is hysterical.

“What is so funny,” he demands, holding his saber so close to her that it burns her neck.

“I _am_ Darth Vader,” she manages to say between desperate, ugly laughs.

“What do you mean?” She feels him move his lightsaber off of her throat, and she’s left with a burnt feeling on her neck. She resists the impulse to touch it, because she knows from one too many engine burns that never helps anything.

“I used to be him,” she says, “in another life.”

“You’re saying you’re Vader reincarnated?” he says. He doesn’t sound as doubtful as he should.

“Yes.”

“I made a mistake then. Ben please, you don’t want this life. There is still hope for you.”

“No,” he says, with a sort of denial in his voice that only comes from understanding, “this can’t be true.”

“You know it to be true,” she says. She can hear the same words echo in Vader’s voice.

“No,” he mumbles, pointing his saber straight at her chest.  
“There is good in you, Ben Organa,” she says. He shakes his head in denial.

“You’re a _liar,”_ he spits out, bile in his voice. He’s holding his saber uncertainly. She knows that she has shaken him. Now might be her only opportunity to escape. She jumps higher than she thought she could, and bounds off of the wall and straight over him. She hits the ground, and starts to run.

“Wait,” he shouts, and she hears the heavy, awkward clomping noises of his gait. He sounds unaccustomed to running.

“You can’t just leave!” She runs as fast as she can, lungs heaving in her chest, and she hears his gait slow and then stop.

“Guards! Seize her!” The stormtroopers seem to jolt out of a haze, and draw their weapons. Rey keeps running. She can feel it in the air. The Force is with her today. She runs and she runs until she gets out the door, and she runs and runs until she can’t see the complex anymore.


	10. The End

Rey runs and runs until she comes to dune where she left her ship. She doesn’t expect to see anything but indentions in the sand, but her ship is still there. Finn and Poe must have used the credits to pay off a smuggler and get off world. She doesn’t blame them. They didn’t know where her ship was, and it was likely easier and safer just to find a smuggler flying off world in Gallu.

She walks up to the ship, and starts working with the door. She’s a mechanic, and Rey’s able to open it easily without her keys. She gets inside, and closes the hatch. Then, she walks towards the pilot’s seat. She sees Poe sitting in the copilot’s seat and Finn sitting at the small table. They hear her footsteps, and turn around to face her.

“Rey,” Finn says.

“You’re here,” she says. She’s confused and a little bit angry that they’re still here. She wanted them to be far from Jakku now, away and safe.

“Oh thank Ashla you’re here, safe,” Poe says, “we were getting worried.”

“I told you to leave,” she says.

“And I told you we weren’t leaving without you,” Finn says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Ow,” he says, immediately dropping his arms back to his sides.

“You’re injured, Finn,” Poe says, “you’ll inflame the wounds.”

“Figured that out,” Finn says with the tone of someone who just hurt himself.

“You said you’d keep him safe,” Rey says.

“You’re my friend too, Rey,” Poe says, “we weren’t going to leave you.”

“We need to leave,” Finn says, “the longer we stay here the more likely we’ll get caught.”

“Where’s the base?” 

* * *

 

 

They fly for three hours and then Rey lands on planet. Poe stands up, and then helps Finn up. They start towards the exit, and then Finn notices that Rey is not following them.

“You’re not staying?” Finn asks.

“I can’t,” she says, “I’m not done with my training yet.”

“Rey, you know you could come back. You both could. You don’t have to alone on a world together to train, right?”

“I don’t think that I’m ready to come back, Finn.” He grimaces.

“It’s not because of you,” she promises, “I just- I have a lot going on right now.”

“We could help you deal with that too,” Finn says. He sounds so hurt that she’s not coming back, and it almost makes her want to. It almost makes her want to explain this whole mess to him, but she doesn’t know how he’ll react. She doubts she’d react well, if their roles were reversed. She doesn’t even know where she stands anymore, now that Poe’s in the picture.

“I’m sorry Finn, I just can’t.” He looks frustrated, but resigned. He knows that this isn’t a fight he’s going to win.

“At least come say goodbye?” Rey smiles, and she gets up from her chair.

“When I’m done, I promise I’ll come back. And I’ll bring Luke with me.” She doesn’t know when she’ll be ready to come back, but someday she will. Finn wraps his arms around her, and pulls her into a tight hug.

“Isn’t your chest injured?” she asks.

“Don’t ruin this,” he says in that same pained but determined tone, and she laughs and hugs him back. She hugs him softly, though, for fear of harming him.

“Be safe,” he tells her. She breaks the hug, and then Poe gives her a quick hug as well.

“May the force be with you,” she tells them.

She watches them walk down the platform, and she sees Finn wraps Poe’s hand in his. Poe takes it.

_Stop taking my hand_ echoes in the back of her mind. She forces it to the back of her mind. She refuses to be bitter that Finn found someone who makes him happy in her absence.

Even so, she still feels the bitter sting of being replaced. Rey starts up the ship, and forces it to her mind as she takes off. She has a war to fight, a million things to learn and memories to work through. She doesn't have time to worry about this as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the plan was to write a sequel to this that paralleled rotj. i hadn't decided what ship would be endgame yet (finn/poe, finn/rey or the three of them) but the main plot was going to be derived from snoke finding out that rey was vader once, and trying to recruit her as apprentice instead and her eventually drawing kylo into the light again. he wasn't going to die (because that would be too much of a cop out) but there were going to be Consequences TM and probably more of a wind down after the battle to see how things are settling in, and events like the aftermath novel series starting up.
> 
> i'm sorry that didn't happen guys. i just lost momentum way too early and i didn't ever really get it back

**Author's Note:**

> just a warning, because i'm a big fan of the clone wars and star wars rebels, some of the dream sequences will involve events from both of those shows focusing on anakin's relationships with ahsoka, padme, and obi wan. if you're unfamiliar with these shows, i think that you will be alright and still understand it, as long as you don't mind reading spoilers. 
> 
> the only actual spoilers for either show involve ahsoka's story arc. (ahsoka's relationship with anakin is one of my favorites in all of star wars)


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